Couple Therapy: Managing Difficult Relationships

Couple Therapy: Managing Difficult Relationships

Couple Therapy: Managing Difficult Relationships

Managing difficult relationships involves controlling our thoughts, because we cannot control emotions, they are automatic, but we can control the thoughts that come after the emotion. One of the first emotions that usually appears is anger...

..This occurs with a series of thoughts, in which we quickly realize that we are physically having a series of events such as increased blood pressure, increased palpitations, sweating, irritability, among others.

In addition, we know that anger can last a few minutes, a few hours, and that, if it lasts over time, we call it an emotional charge, which can last for days, weeks, months, years.

All of us have gotten angry at some time and we know that the sooner we stop this state, the better it will be for ourselves and for those around us, that is why we must avoid at all costs that thoughts accumulate, and we go looking for excuses and justifications for getting more and more angry.

I like to give an example, in which I think it is very easy to see the reactions we can have when we get angry, let's imagine a tennis match, 2 tennis players on the court and some differences arise for a while, and one of them gets angry with himself himself, with the referee, with his partner, or with the public, the tennis player has to know how to manage his emotions and anger so that the loss of energy that anger supposes goes in his favor and not against it. This situation occurs in sports, at work, in family life, in the life of a couple, learning to manage anger is essential for our well-being and that of those around us. We all have internal resources to manage our emotions, thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Someone said, two do not get angry if one does not want to.

Anger is seductive, it offers us reasons that cause more arguments to be angry, each person experiences anger differently, but everything has to do with a feeling of feeling a threat, that we have been treated badly, that we have been belittled or that we have encountered an obstacle. The energy overload produced by anger, already studied in Neuroscience, generates in us a series of physiological situations, acts as a trigger, where catecholamines, which are neurotransmitters, generate the necessary energy to take action.

We must pay maximum attention to the thoughts that trigger anger, it is possible that the thoughts come from another history of our life. The past that each one has conditions our way of acting, and subconsciously, we do things unknown to the conscious and limited world.

We must ask ourselves about the success of our anger, if it is as serious as it seems to us, and if it is really worth it, its consequences, if I am going to improve things, if it is going to make you propose something new, if it is going to allow someone else contribute something,… what it is for and learn from it.

As a general rule, we must accept emotions, and welcome them, but we must do it in a conscious way, we choose what we want to do with anger, that anger does not choose what it wants to do with us.

An efficient way to start managing anger and any emotion, we count to 10 and thus we have the possibility of making an energy change, then we focus on our breathing for at least 15 minutes and thus we lower the level of anger.

Fortunately, we have a wide range of effective techniques that come from NLP, Ericksonian hypnosis and emotional intelligence with which we permanently learn emotional management.

Carmen Martinez - Psicóloga y Coaching

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Celia Martínez Psicóloga
Exeter, Devon, England,
United Kingdom

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