Couple Therapy: 8 Myths About Relationships

Couple Therapy: 8 Myths About Relationships


Speaking about relationships, whether marriage or not, I would start by saying that most of us have our idea of ​​a couple, our idea of ​​love, depending on where we were born, in what family, in what place, if it is a religious or no, in what era, in what culture, will we have certain beliefs and values...

...In addition, these beliefs and values ​​will have made us make decisions and these will have had their consequences, with which we will have a defined behaviour pattern at a fairly early age.

There are certain myths, misinterpretations and misunderstandings that those of us who work in couples therapy is seeing recurrently. Generally, when we understand them, we realize that by practising certain behaviours we can avoid these problems and also the suffering they bring. Avoiding certain unwanted consequences such as separations, divorces, romantic breakups and family division would be the purpose of couples therapy.

Myth 1 Ideal Love

Many couples begin a relationship with the idealization of the other, being an unrealistic idea, expectations are high and frustration and disappointment arrive, apparently without explanation.

Myth 2 It takes two to change

Another myth that is often common is to think that, for change within a relationship, both must change. Most psychologists, counsellors and coaches agree that this condition is not necessary, with a person changing, there is already a change in the couple.

Myth 3 Insisting on your fault will change you

Another myth refers to certain recurring practices of insisting on the defects of the other, insisting on the negative, thinking that it will be good for him or her. These practices can be, judge, ridicule, blame, revile, underestimate, impose ... these are the most direct ways that the other person does not change to positive and we get them to continue with their usual behaviour. The reaction that a person has when another person is telling them what to do is generally reactive and rejecting. Few people have the temperance and awareness to listen without reacting negatively.

Myth 4 It is not necessary to communicate what I think or want

There are people who think that communication between their partner and her is not necessary, that they understand each other perfectly. Unfortunately, telepathy does not work and communication cannot be based on assuming that one is understood. One assumes one thing, and the other another, and the misunderstanding and its consequences are created. It is essential to be specific, direct and clear in the way you speak. In addition, our words have to be sincere, honest, in this way, we will avoid greater evils.

 Myth 5 Marriage will be easy

It is often typical and common to think that once you get married, everything will be rosy.

Both in the world of people who live alone and in couples, everything requires work, patience, not thinking that life is always the same, you need a touch of creativity, positivity, motivation, a sense of humour, adaptability, of flexibility, of acceptance, so that people feel alive, happy, and motivated.

Some people think that, in the relationship, marriage or not, all the needs will be met, such as friendship, companionship, sex, financial stability, emotional stability, personal development, sense of family, of belonging, but the reality is that almost everything is to be done.

Myth 6 Marriage does not change the relationship.

Many couples think that since they have been very happy as a couple, even during many years of dating, they believe that the marriage will be the same. It really is not the same, everything changes, because life is changing day by day, life circumstances, unforeseen events, external and internal situations of people are a constant evolution. The variables that appear throughout life are many, work, children, health, etc.

Myth 7 Avoid conflict and disagreement

This is another recurring theme seen in couples therapy. Communication between people is the basis of a good relationship. As I mentioned before, telepathy is not frequent, it is convenient to practice communication in its broadest sense: active listening, empathy, sincerity, assertiveness, learning to say “no”, asking the right questions, preventing disproportionate reactions, prejudices and judgments and above all respect the other.

And how is this achieved? Practising everything possible.

Myth 8 All you need is love

The idea of ​​romantic love that we have sometimes seen throughout history in movies, literature, and in beliefs and cultural values ​​of certain times, have managed to permeate society and thus, we have created our patterns regarding this issue. However, the reality is different, love is a great capacity, let's say one of the greatest, one of the greatest act.

Carmen Martinez - Psicóloga y Coaching

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Celia Martínez Psicóloga
Exeter, Devon, England,
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