Couple Therapy: What is the goal of a good relationship?
What is the goal of a relationship? You could say that all of life is a struggle and that you either do it quite well or perhaps not so well. Therefore, it seems that perhaps the goal in life is for a person to fight better. The same goes for relationships and fighting simply means "trying to do better." Due to personality differences, there will always be a struggle in any basic relationship whereby feelings get hurt and people experience anything from not being understood to not being loved.
So, trying to do better is a wonderful goal, and then really succeeding is a wonderful achievement. The question is, how do we best fight? How can you do better? And that's what it's about, how to fight better in relationships. Make no mistake about it - your relationship will be a struggle. But that's okay. Do not be afraid of the fight, as you should not be afraid of the relationship. The fight could be good and it is well worth it. And keep in mind that when children come into the family, the fighting never improves; rather, it makes the fight more complex, more difficult. Even without children, personality differences begin to weaken feelings of love, so much so that we often hear, "I love him, but not like him."
People find it very easy to hurt feelings. They suffer because they do not feel understood. And feeling understood is crucial. Without understanding, love is simply not enough!
Without feeling understood, love does not have what it takes to absorb the relentless blows of life. Without feeling understood, love has no chance. Feeling understood is the best buffer and allows the fight to generate great results.
Feeling understood deepens love.
The goal of a good relationship is to fight better so that the possibility that each person feels understood increases.
And as the feeling of understanding increases, the love will deepen.
Is it possible to get married for the wrong reason?
Is it possible for people to get married for the right reasons? What are the correct reasons?
Even in their 40s or so, and without ever having been married, some people get married because they feel like it is the last train to leave, the doors are open and they either get on the train or they feel like they stay forever in the station. Obviously, there are all kinds of reasons why people marry or mate in some way. The point is, it doesn't matter if you belong to an underprivileged and poorly educated part of society or to the more elite element, whether you are a teenager or a 40-year-old man. Once any pairing occurs, the same problems will be faced by all the couples.
People marry because they are of the same religion, race, ethnicity, etc. That is, they get married because they feel completely similar in many ways. On the other hand, they marry because they feel more comfortable with someone who is completely different from them, or they marry because she is dominant and he is weak, or the other way around. In a word, people get married or for a wide variety of reasons. The question is, is any of the reasons for getting married the right reason?
The answer, of course, is that it doesn't really matter what the reason is. It does not matter if the reason was good or bad or if the reason was justified or not. Why? Because nothing really matters about why the couple got married. The only thing that matters is what they do once they get there. Do they work in the relationship? Do they talk and listen to each other? Do you express your dissatisfaction with each other? Do they grow up together, discuss everything, express their rights? Are they able to repair the difficulties between them? And most importantly, can you remember that each negative element of the relationship is much less significant than the ongoing underlying history of the relationship and the entire process? This kind of relationship understanding is crucial to marriage and compared to this, why you got married, in the long run, really isn't very relevant. Working on the marriage in a way that deepens the relationship is what is relevant. Why you got married pales in importance to what you do once you get there.
VALUES AND PERSONALITY
Values do not create relationships. Personality differences can have a much more crucial impact on the establishment or breakdown of a relationship. So, can you tolerate those personality qualities or idiosyncrasies in your partner that makes you angry or crazy? If you cannot tolerate the idiosyncrasies of your partner, you will suffer. The question is, do you as a couple know how to solve the problem of personality conflict? And the truth is there are definite ways to solve it and surely, to improve it.
Therefore, whether the couple can harmonize with each other really depends on whether they are able to handle and deal with each other's personality differences, including
patterns of habits, needs, desires, personality traits, and emotional styles.
Other issues, such as religious likeness, spiritual likeness, similar humanitarian values, similar political positions, etc., are never as strong as issues arising from personality problems and differences.
Personality differences affect relationships much more intensely than issues of values.
Build a story, a healthy accumulated life together that can defeat any individual event, even an intense one.