The importance of knowing how to be alone and increasing our resilience.

The importance of knowing how to be alone and increasing our resilience.
In general, people with healthy self-esteem feel happy being alone and also being with people.

On the other hand, there are other people who prefer to be alone because they see in other people many things that they do not like, that they dislike, that irritate them, And really the first step to having healthy relationships is to feel happy with yourself and then have satisfying relationships with other people.
Actions come before motivation, even though it may seem hard to understand.

For many lonely people who complain about it and want to have relationships, friends, a partner, etc.... it would be good if they started by choosing some actions to take, such as developing a talent or ability that they have, how can it be, practicing some sport, dancing, some type of artistic activity, starting a hobby that gives you satisfaction, be it cooking, photography, gardening, it is also usually very positive to start a personal development activity such as meditation, activities such as yoga, etc. In addition, the activities of helping others, in non-governmental organizations, for example, are also very positive.
Some people who live alone complain about their loneliness, they don't take care of their self-esteem, they don't take care of their eating habits, exercising, taking care of their house, having it decorated in a nice and clean way, so these people wait for another to arrive. person to help him, to please him, when he has not even been able to help himself, for that reason the first person to help is yourself, learn to be alone, learn to take care of yourself, to improve... to love yourself more.
In general, people with healthy self-esteem feel happy being alone and do not need the approval of others. With a little awareness and personal effort, loneliness can be transformed into a pleasant experience of personal development and self-knowledge.
Building resilience shows how people can find constructive ways to deal with difficult times. Some helpful suggestions on these topics include:
• manage negative emotions in difficult times
• use an asset-liability model to understand resilient behavior
• distinguish between what is within and what is outside of your control
• identify and change attitudes that undermine the development of resilience
• develop self-confidence
• increase your level of tolerance for frustration
• maintain a resilient perspective.
The Danish philosopher, S. Kierkegaard, described the dilemma of the individual over a century ago with keen psychological insight. He points out that the most common despair is being in despair at not choosing, or wanting, to be yourself, but that the deepest despair is choosing "to be other than yourself." On the other hand, "wanting to be yourself is in fact the opposite of despair," and this choice is man's deepest responsibility.
The process implies a change from incentive to congruence, to value what one is and not what others want it to be, the process implies a change in the way we see ourselves, the change goes from a complete lack of will to communicate with yourself to give meaning to your life and become more and more what you really want to be, thus ceasing to be a mere spectator of a society in which you do not feel comfortable.

Carmen Martinez - Psicóloga y Coaching

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Celia Martínez Psicóloga
Exeter, Devon, England,
United Kingdom

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